Infinite State Automaton

I bought my first piece of furniture, some Antonius shelving things. It's not very classy at all. In fact they look ugly and skeletal, but luckily they nestle perfectly in my wardrobe so the only time they can be seen is when I open the doors. I bought one five draw kit and I have space for another three (or five if I decide to stack them) and at $50 a pop for five drawers, I actually feel it's a really good deal. Next is to actually gut the contents of my cupboards out and put them in the drawers, and yes, I am using 'Write my blog' as a means of procrastinating to avoid doing it.

This week was a very up and down week. Food has been so-so. Well really it has been good but I won't be 'mission accomplished' until I can go a whole week without buying fast food once. An unexpected problem is that healthy food is not very filling. Every afternoon I am terribly hungry. I have to prepare a proper lunch and health snacks for the afternoon so that I can go the whole day without giving in to an urge for chocolate. I compromised and bought health bars and munched on them whenever I got hungry.

Annie and I went bowling with her e-club last night. We had a really good time! Actually I am terrible at bowling, and only scored 74 >.> The second game I think was even worse, my arm was so tired AND I had some alcohol in me. I dropped the ball three times. Once I fell in to the bowling aisle, the second time the ball went backwards, and the third time my finger got stuck in it, so the ball just dropped straight down and rolled forwards. I couldn't bear to watch so went to sit down, but then everyone was yelling to look - I had thrown it so slowly, it had come to rest in the gutter a few metres from where I had thrown it. So, ah, I sneaked down the wax surface in my funky clown shoes and threw it again ^_~

I was the only person on the team who didn't get a strike. Bowling is just not my game it seems. Ah, but it was a lot of fun ^_^

The book I read was 'The Prince', by Niccolò Machiavelli. I did not know it but I actually have quoted or paraphrased from this book many times before, the work is that common. I am surprised that I had not come across it before. My first encounter with this is from the Command and Conquer: Red Alert instruction manual - "There is no avoiding war. It can only be delayed to the advantage of others." A friend of mine gave me some advice from this book so of course I applied what I had learned recently from it to the whole situation. From this I had some better understanding of the motives of my friends and the reasons for their behaviour.

The question Anonymous asked below, what's the common factor - I am not entirely certain. If I knew, I would say. I am not sure there is one factor.

This word 'maturity' is thrown about a lot these days. I have many people, both online friends and in real life, saying 'person x behaves in an immature way' or 'this person just likes to cause drama/get attention' etc or whatever. You know, 'act your age' etc etc.

I think people have different ideas of maturity. My idea of maturity is a person who takes responsibility, acts with honor and integrity, helps other people, and defends those who cannot. Other people might say things like reliable, gets results, has 'class', has great knowledge, is unemotional, or many other words.

The thing is, none of these people are psychologists. At best we are some kind of person who has read a self-help book or manual, or maybe watched some good inspirational videos. But maturity is an intangible concept. It's not something you have, like a car, or even something like a relationship (which is intangible but still _definable_). Maturity...like many other things...is in the eye of the beholder.

People judge you not by who you are or who you think you are but by what you do, the results you get. Actions speak louder than words.

I will always admit to an error, and I will never hide from punishment. Discipline won't kill a person, but it can save them from death! The person who does not learn does not change state. They never break out of their circle until they can change.

I don't know what the common factor is (except, of course, for me). Often what has hamstrung me, though, is fear - fear of hurting others, fear of failure, fear of financial disaster, fear of heartbreak. Because I am too afraid to take action, the result is - take no action. But, you know, if actions speak louder than words, and people judge you by your actions, and I take no action...

EDIT: I have removed some text from this entry. Some of it really only pertained to the people involved in the situation, and since it is now resolved, leaving it here is kind of awkward. For this reason also, I removed one of my comments, and with the permission of one of the contributors, one of their comments also. So! Let's move on from here and try not to look back. The place we didn't go to yet is always more interesting than where we just left.