The difference between boys and girls
As I was growing up, I learned that girls were never treated with much respect by boys, and the world seemed to accept and encourage it. For some reason, they were treated as less-than-people. Their good ideas and advice were ignored, and they were made fun of and degraded. Even something like a simple reminder was written off as nagging. If a woman has a problem, it is never as important as the problem a man might have, because a man is always using logic whereas a woman is always emotional. For some reason, emotion is not a valid reason to have a problem. Something like feelings are only temporary. Tomorrow, you will have forgotten you are upset, silly girl! That is why we don’t take what you have to say seriously. Why should we do anything about what you have to say today? Tomorrow you will want a different thing. That is the argument I always hear.
I didn’t understand why women accepted this treatment. The boys that they liked so much didn’t even see them as equals. But still, girls would allow themselves to be talked over and ignored and relegated only to be pretty things to show off to others. I had hoped that as we got older and people matured, girls would raise their standards and not allow themselves to be treated this way. I didn’t want to accept that world, so I tried to live in a way where I could feel satisfied. I always felt I treated women with the same respect and consideration as I do any other person. To me, there is no difference. I believe women are just as capable as men to do any important thing, and some things they can do better. Any adult having this conversation would come to the same agreement. So, why do these same adults not respect a woman’s ability? I don’t understand it.
More, I don’t understand why girls don’t stand together to change it. Men don’t respect women, but they like having them around because they are useful to do things for them. If a girl complains to a man, he will just ignore it because…it’s not important to him. She can’t complain to him about his behaviour being the reason she is upset. He won’t hear it. In this situation, the girl’s only choice is to eventually leave. In a group situation, the boys will all point and degrade the woman who is leaving and make up stories to say that she is attention seeking or a drama queen, all the while belittling her and saying to all the other girls who can see ‘if you are upset and complain this is how you will be treated’. So long as a woman can be singled out and targeted individually like this, it’s impossible for her to win. Even if a man stands up for her, the others will say he has feelings for her and is ignored, because – well – feelings aren’t grounded in logic, so, he shouldn’t be listened to either.
In that kind of situation, only women can stand up for each other. A man can’t do it, even if he wants to. His only choice is to leave the group if he can’t support the way the women are treated in it. If he is not part of the solution, then he is part of the problem.
But I wonder what would happen if all the women stood together and left at once? Suddenly, the men are the ones who have a problem. I wonder what the world would be like if it was run by women.
I’d like to think that humanity had gotten past this basic immaturity but it seems we still have a long way to go.
I didn’t understand why women accepted this treatment. The boys that they liked so much didn’t even see them as equals. But still, girls would allow themselves to be talked over and ignored and relegated only to be pretty things to show off to others. I had hoped that as we got older and people matured, girls would raise their standards and not allow themselves to be treated this way. I didn’t want to accept that world, so I tried to live in a way where I could feel satisfied. I always felt I treated women with the same respect and consideration as I do any other person. To me, there is no difference. I believe women are just as capable as men to do any important thing, and some things they can do better. Any adult having this conversation would come to the same agreement. So, why do these same adults not respect a woman’s ability? I don’t understand it.
More, I don’t understand why girls don’t stand together to change it. Men don’t respect women, but they like having them around because they are useful to do things for them. If a girl complains to a man, he will just ignore it because…it’s not important to him. She can’t complain to him about his behaviour being the reason she is upset. He won’t hear it. In this situation, the girl’s only choice is to eventually leave. In a group situation, the boys will all point and degrade the woman who is leaving and make up stories to say that she is attention seeking or a drama queen, all the while belittling her and saying to all the other girls who can see ‘if you are upset and complain this is how you will be treated’. So long as a woman can be singled out and targeted individually like this, it’s impossible for her to win. Even if a man stands up for her, the others will say he has feelings for her and is ignored, because – well – feelings aren’t grounded in logic, so, he shouldn’t be listened to either.
In that kind of situation, only women can stand up for each other. A man can’t do it, even if he wants to. His only choice is to leave the group if he can’t support the way the women are treated in it. If he is not part of the solution, then he is part of the problem.
But I wonder what would happen if all the women stood together and left at once? Suddenly, the men are the ones who have a problem. I wonder what the world would be like if it was run by women.
I’d like to think that humanity had gotten past this basic immaturity but it seems we still have a long way to go.
Your experience seems quite different from mine. At least, beyond high school. I don't see women's opinions being ignored offhand and I highly doubt most of the women here would stand for it. Though, I'm also strongly repulsed by other traits that one is likely to see in groups where that's a problem, so maybe that's the difference.
Though there is one instance that I found interesting... (copied/pasted from a previous discussion, but it's relevant I think)
In a philosophy class recently, feminism came up. There were three women in the class of something like twelve people, not including the female professor (who I would guess to be around early to mid thirties in age). The thing that was most interesting to me is that NONE of the girls were saying anything. The only female voice in this debate about feminism was that of the professor. I actually used the term "Feminazi" and notice out of the corner of my eye that one of them twitched, but made no move to speak. Even after I backpedaled, SAID that I had noticed her twitch, and defined Feminazi ("A woman who becomes angry at me for, say, holding a door open for her, or otherwise mistaking acts of simple politeness as chauvinism"), none of them had anything to say. I try to avoid making generalizations here, since this example suffers from a major problem of small numbers, but with the woman who twitched, it was rather obvious she had strong opinions on the topic, but refused to voice them. Whatever is motivating that mindset needs to be discouraged I think.
Another thing you said that I find interesting... I'm fairly sure that a world ruled by women would still be pretty much the same as it is now. (Copied/pasted from same discussion again)
Look back through history, and you will notice that a very large number of the horrible events of the past happened because of the decisions of men. There are dozens of names I could bring up here, but out of fear of Godwin's Law, I shall just skip to the point; a lot of men have done bad things.
However, correlation does not indicate causation. The problem here is that until very recently, there were no women in power; only men. Thus, only men had the power to do terrible things (on a large scale) in most cases. I think that as we see more women coming into power (and I think it's a matter of "when," not "if") we will see more problems caused by incompetent women in authority positions, simply because there are more women in authority positions. That doesn't mean that women as a whole are incompetent, just as much as the idiocy of George W. doesn't mean that men as a whole are incompetent.
Posted by
Proven Paradox |
February 10, 2008 at 8:00 PM
How does a mum react to this sort of blog? All I can hope is that it was not formulated from your experiences at home! What you may be missing out on is that behind every man is a strong, supportive and clever woman. Coming from a household with no female siblings has probably not given you an equal upbringing. I know that dad respects me. He has been the reason for my university degrees. He has shown faith in my ability and encouraged me 100% of the way. He NEVER forced me to work. I have managed to get my own way for much of the time we've been together. A healthy relationship is built on love, mutual respect and communication. I feel that you are trying to feel sorry for women without realising that we are a capable gender. Your great grandmother taught me how to "let" a man think he was making the decisions without knowing that the woman was actually in control. A wise and clever lady. Secret womans business that you have not been exposed to because of the overload of testosterone in your homelife. I am, however, extremely proud of my boy that he feels inequality to be an injustice. I love the fact that you open car doors for women...even your mum! I hope that I have brought you up to respect woman and traet them as equals. One day a very lucky lady is going to fall in love with you!love with
Posted by
Anonymous |
February 11, 2008 at 1:41 PM
Ah well. I think I just don't get it.
This doors opening thing - it's just basic decency. Everybody does it. When I go out of my way to help you (mum) it is a gesture of respect and service. I automatically treat you, and anybody important to me, better than I would someone I don't care about; in this way I am discriminatory. I care about my friends. I don't care so much about strangers.
Ah well, there was that time when the tram was stuck and I did that silly, silly thing. So I guess I care about strangers too :/
>.>;;
Para, I made the mistake of adding that last line for what was essentially a rant about me not understanding women. You rebutted it well. I can't argue it.
All this time I read books and followed advice and tried to figure out what women wanted and to do that thing. But I am starting to wonder if I had it backwards all this time.
I want to treat women with respect. But I also dont' want to be walked over. And most of the damage that was done to me that is still causing me trouble now is from women that walked over me. No, it wasn't their fault - I let them do it because I felt obligated to.
I have to think about it some more. There is a foundation of my very character that might have to shift. I shouldn't make such a change without great caution.
Was I doing it wrong all this time?
Posted by
Sky_Paladin |
February 13, 2008 at 3:08 AM
"All this time I read books and followed advice and tried to figure out what women wanted and to do that thing. But I am starting to wonder if I had it backwards all this time."
I'm not convinced that men and women think in inherently different ways. I'm even less convinced that these ways, if they are different, are significantly so. It may well be that men are as a collective putting a big mystery where there's really just other people.
That said, I don't understand the way other men as a whole think, so I may be completely wrong here; I freely acknowledge this.
Regardless, trying to understand how women as a whole think is not the way to go about it. You can get into a girl's head without knowing exactly how it works.
"I want to treat women with respect. But I also dont' want to be walked over. And most of the damage that was done to me that is still causing me trouble now is from women that walked over me. No, it wasn't their fault - I let them do it because I felt obligated to."
"I have to think about it some more. There is a foundation of my very character that might have to shift. I shouldn't make such a change without great caution."
This may be a part where we're just different. If I can help it, I don't let anyone walk over over me. I'm not sure what to say to this. I think part of respecting others, though, is respecting yourself.
Posted by
Proven Paradox |
February 13, 2008 at 7:50 PM
Amen to that Proven Paradox!!! You have hit the nail on the head!...Take heed Chris, before you can be loved you must first love yourself.
Posted by
Anonymous |
February 13, 2008 at 9:08 PM
I am still being misunderstood :)
Sky:
"As I was growing up, I learned that girls were never treated with much respect by boys, and the world seemed to accept and encourage it."
"I didn’t understand why women accepted this treatment. The boys that they liked so much didn’t even see them as equals."
"I always felt I treated women with the same respect and consideration as I do any other person. To me, there is no difference. I believe women are just as capable as men to do any important thing, and some things they can do better."
Mum:
"Your great grandmother taught me how to "let" a man think he was making the decisions without knowing that the woman was actually in control."
"I am, however, extremely proud of my boy that he feels inequality to be an injustice."
Para:
"I'm not convinced that men and women think in inherently different ways."
I am wondering if my mistake was thinking that women wanted to be treated with respect and equality.
I don't understand how Mum can say she is proud of me thinking that inequality is injustice, but then to also say how she has to let the man think he is in control.
I was told today that women like to be upset and complain. If you try to do something to fix the situation, you take away their enjoyment of being able to complain about a situation, and instead they get irritated at you.
To me this seemed like a terribly sexist and cruel remark.
But all this time I have treated women how they told me to treat them and actively sought out how to do it better.
Was this a mistake?
Posted by
Sky_Paladin |
February 15, 2008 at 5:32 AM
Hi Chris, I'm not sure if it's ok for me to comment on this, but nevertheless I’ll just give it ago.
I think you are a sweet and sensitive person with lots of thoughts on making this world a better place. I salute you for this.
If all men are like you then there may be no war, no famine, and no crime. Simplify because you care about what you are doing to others.
I agreed that some women let men treat them in an unfair way, but this does not happen to all women. And it’s sometimes the other way around.
However, I have seen the extreme of what you are saying.
I have a friend who gets beaten up by her boyfriend and I feel sorry for her, but sometimes angry with her for letting it happen and for her young children to have to see it.
She always takes her boyfriend back as he promises not to do it again.
Of course that never stopped. Until one day she was admitted to hospital because she was trying to protect her kids.
As a mother I really don’t’ understand how she can let this happen. But A lot of it comes from begin scared of “change”, scare of “being a lone” scare of “making him angry”
It’s probably a psychological condition like an addiction that can’t just change over night.
Thankfully she finally came to her sense and left him with the encouragement and the help of another friend.
I pray that she keeps her kids safe and not be around that man again. I hope all parents put their kids in first place and be parents in the best interest of their kids.
The only way we can make this world a better place is by investing time and love in the next generation.
Adults are very hard to change.
Finally as a woman, I like to feel loved and care and pampered. I don’t understand why women get offended when men open the doors or offer other politeness to them. I was pretty disappointed that I was never offered a seat on the bus the whole ten month during my pregnancy to and from work. Sometimes it’s not just men, it’s the younger generation too.
I’ll teach my son to be polite to women and always show respect to the elders.
Anh
Posted by
Anonymous |
April 4, 2008 at 6:34 AM