Infinite State Automaton

Today and yesterday were good days for me. I worked hard, fenced well, overcame many programming difficulties, washed clothes and ate good food. So, I'm weary now. My brain is alive but I can feel my body going 'bleh omg let me sleep'. But I'm not done yet.

So, posters. Yeah, I remember now. The whole idea of the posters and war material around is to appeal to the people who think that by playing these war games they can somehow participate or take in some of the spirit, the courage of those fighting men and women who lived and fought and died before them.

I wonder what a real soldier would think, if they came in to that room, and saw the people of many ages - children, teens and adults, boys and girls too - moving plastic figures around a table and rolling dice. Would they be outraged, that the depiction of their friends and loved ones who died in such a circumstance be so boldly sold out for money, or encouraged, that at such great expense they were able to secure even this future. I wonder. I felt embarassed.

I had wanted to join the army when I was younger. Initially it was my mothers idea to give me some kind of future because - I had the impression - she beleived computers were not a real career and that my dreams of getting involved in them somehow were fantasy at best. Later I tried again because I wanted to do it. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I was unsuccessful. My younger brother Warren is in the army and has fought in Iraq and the Solomon Islands. I didn't want to hurt or kill anybody. I just liked the feeling of belonging, the feeling of being in a uniform that I had from scouts. I wanted it again.

When I watch the way different gamers play their games of warhammer...some drive their troops forward and sacrifice them as meat shields to allow their more powerful forces to get in to position with less casualties. Of course these are just plastic models and it's nothing to care about if you have to let all of your troops die to save one man to win the game, right? Someone made a comment that in one game, his army was on top of (wait for it) a giant sea turtle for transport. At some point the turtle came under attack, so the player ordered his turtle to dive underwater to protect it from harm. This meant the entire army on the turtle were lost at sea and drowned. The player made this decision fully knowing the consequences because the sea turtle was more expensive than the men and he didn't want to risk losing it. I commented, "What a terrible thing, to know that you and your friends are all going to die because you weren't valuable enough to the commander." They laughed and agreed, but nobody thought anything else of it. But it stayed with me. Maybe because of the report I listened to on Friday.

At work, my co-workers are big on meetings. I have one every Wednesday morning to say what I have done that week ("Oh, I chatted in mirc and browsed wow insider..."). The last Friday of every month, students about to put out a thesis or professors and so on who are giving a talk at a conference get a chance to practice in front of the whole SEEC group. This week was a rehash of an old one that Ahmy had put together after September 11 which dealt with Systems Engineering in counter terrorism. One of the things he commented on that the Western Society is having problems with is that terrorists deliberately exploit Western values to gain additional notoriety/cause casualties and protect themselves. He cited the example of the seige in Beslan where several hundred school children were killed. From the terrorist perspective, that was a major win, because for three days they had 24/7 media coverage. It was an incident deliberately calculated to capitalise on the Western situation - freedom of speech, freedom of media - to damage. The fact that people died were an incidental happy consequence of the terrorists goals, and the fact that most of them were children was largely irrelevant to them.

I talked about this with Ahmy afterwards. He explained to me his perspectives on lots of different cultures. One thing he pointed out that was a flaw in Western society is the punishment for failure. If someone has a new idea for a project direction, and the project fails, that person is usually demoted, dismissed, or at the very least ridiculed. The company is unlikely to go in that direction in future. You can see this in the games industry where you will see a company make game after game after game that is relatively the same with little change except to update to the new computer hardware. In Australia, it's known as 'tall poppy' syndrome. The person who excels is the one who is pulled down or mocked. I've heard Anna talk about 'the nail that sticks out is the one that gets hit'...the person who wants to be different. I think this kind of sentiment is probably the same the whole world over, but it is probably more pronounced in certain places. What I have read on bullying in Japan, for example, far transcends anything most Australian school students would ever experience or witness.

Values...


In the Bible it says that originally we all talked the same language and lived in the same area, until Nimrod pursuaded the people to build the tower of Babel. God saw this and said "When they are all working together, who can stop them?" and scattered the people all over the world and broke up our languages. I always thought this was a bad idea, but recently, I haven't been sure. I think people who have the most hate are really afraid, afraid of others, because they don't understand these different people or things or were afraid they would be harmed somehow, so they attacked first. Trust is a hard thing to come by, but once won, more valuable than gold.

When I was in China I felt so terribly guilty about the conditions the people were living in because they were wonderful, decent people who were just in a bad situation. When I saw twelve people packed into a dormitory that was the same size as my single room I was ashamed. They never said anything about it or complained. And, after my initial shock subsided, I started to see something. They had adapted to their situation. The way they used their space, their three dimensional packing sense, their...ease of moving past each other, practically flowing over one another, whereas here people would uneasily stop, be offended, demand extra space or be rude to each other...

I think people are amazing creatures. Sure there are many terrible dark things about our races, and the things we have done to each other and this world. But I also have seen the brighter side, the spirit of a volunteer, the kindness in someones eyes, and the quiet hope of parents watching their children. I've seen people put aside their own goals and ambitions to help another.

When I see things like this I think, we can make it. I think, there's a bright future for all of us. And I want to help make it.